Immigration Options for Abuse Survivors
What is Abuse?
What if I’m being abused by the person that I rely on for my immigration status?
Many times, when we think “abuse” or “domestic violence,” we think about bruises and about a husband beating a wife. But what about the less obvious forms of abuse that aren’t taught to us? Many people don’t realize what they are experiencing is abuse. So…what exactly is abuse? And what options do immigrants with abusive partners have?
Abuse in the context of domestic violence is a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.
Different types of abuse can be broken up into categories. I've listed them here with some examples of each. You may be experiencing abuse if your partner does any of the following behaviors:
Physical Abuse
Drive recklessly or dangerously with you in the car or abandon you in unfamiliar places
Throw objects at you
Pull your hair or punch, slap, kick, bite, choke, or smother you
Prevent you from eating or sleeping
Use weapons against you, including firearms, knives, bats, or mace
Harm your children or pets
Force you to use drugs or alcohol, especially if you have a history of substance abuse
Trapping you in your home or preventing you from leaving
Prevent you from contacting emergency services, including medical attention or law enforcement
Prevent you from taking prescribed medication or deny you necessary medical treatment
Emotional and Verbal Abuse
Calling you names, insulting you, or constantly criticizing you
Acting jealous or possessive or refusing to trust you
Isolating you from family, friends, or other people in your life
Monitoring your activities with or without your knowledge, including demanding to know where you go, who you contact, and how you spend your time
Attempting to control what you wear, including clothes, makeup, or hairstyles
Humiliating you in any way, especially in front of others
Gaslighting you by pretending not to understand or refusing to listen to you, questioning your recollection of facts, events, or sources, trivializing your needs or feelings, or denying previous statements or promises
Threatening you, your children, family, or pets
Damaging your belongings, including throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.
Blaming you for their abusive behaviors
Accusing you of cheating, or cheating on you and blaming you for their actions
Cheating on you to intentionally hurt you and threatening to cheat again
Telling you that you’re lucky to be with them or that you’ll never find someone better
Abuse Unique to Immigrants
Stopping you from learning English
Withdrawing or threatening to withdraw your green card application
Destroying your important documents, like your passport, resident card, health insurance card, driver’s license, or proof of the relationship your partner, which may be necessary for getting legal immigration status
Getting you fired from your job
Telling you that reporting abuse to the police will get you or your children deported
Telling the you that you can’t get custody of your children because you are undocumented
Providing inaccurate information in English in conversations with police, judges, doctors, or others in positions of power when you don't have an independent interpreter
Threatening to have you deported while your partner remains in the United States with your children
Sexual Abuse
Forcing you to dress in a sexual way you’re uncomfortable with
Insulting you in sexual ways or call you explicit names
Forcing or manipulate you into having sex or performing sexual acts, especially when you’re sick, tired, or physically injured from their abuse
Choke you or restrain you during sex without your consent
Hold you down during sex without your consent
Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex
Involve other people in your sexual activities against your will
Ignore your feelings regarding sex
Force you to watch or make pornography
Intentionally give you or attempt to give you a sexually transmitted infection
Sexual Coercion
Implying that you owe them something sexually in exchange for previous actions, gifts, or consent
Giving you drugs or alcohol to “loosen up” your inhibitions
Using your relationship status as leverage, including by demanding sex as a way to “prove your love” or by threatening to cheat or leave
Reacting with sadness, anger, or resentment if you say no or don’t immediately agree to something, or trying to normalize their sexual demands by saying that they “need” it
Continuing to pressure you after you say no or intimidating you into fearing what will happen if you say no
Reproductive Coercion
Refusing to use a condom
Lying about methods of birth control
Withholding money to purchase birth control
Forcing pregnancy or not supporting your decisions about when or if to have children
Intentionally becoming pregnant against your wishes
Forcing you to get an abortion or preventing you from getting one
Threatening you or acting violent if you don’t agree to end or continue a pregnancy
Keeping you pregnant by getting you pregnant again shortly after you have a child
Financial Abuse
Providing an allowance and closely monitoring how you spend it, including demanding receipts for purchases
Depositing your paycheck into an account you can’t access
Preventing you from viewing or accessing bank accounts
Preventing you from working, limiting the hours that you can work, getting you fired, or forcing you to work certain types of jobs
Maxing out your credit cards without permission, not paying credit card bills, or otherwise harming your credit score
Stealing money from you, your family, or your friends
Withdrawing money from children’s savings accounts without your permission
Living in your home but refusing to work or contribute to the household
Forcing you to provide them with your tax returns or confiscating joint tax returns
Refusing to provide money for necessary or shared expenses like food, clothing, transportation, medical care, or medicine
Digital Abuse
Telling you who you can or can’t follow, or be friends with on social media
Sending you negative, insulting, or threatening messages or emails
Using social media to track your activities
Insulting or humiliating you in their posts online, including posting unflattering photos or videos
Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages
Stealing or insisting on being given your account passwords
Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you’ll anger them
Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records
Using any kind of technology (such as spyware or GPS in a car or phone) to monitor your activities
Using smart home technology, smart speakers, or security cameras to track your movements, communications, and activities
Creating fake social media profiles in your name and image, or using your phone or email to send messages to others pretending to be you, as a way to embarrass or isolate you
Abusive relationships are complex situations and the decision weather or not to leave the abuser is usually very difficult. There are often great parts of the relationship and abusive partner, causing the survivor to hold hope that the abusive aspects will change. Other times, the abuse can be so violent, that it doesn't feel safe to leave. If the abuse survivor is in the United States on a dependent status derived from their abusive partner, there is another layer of complication and fear in leaving.
Something many people may not be aware of, is that abuse survivors relying on their partner's status to stay in the US, may be able to get status on their own through the Violence Against Women Act. Further, abuse survivors may be eligible for a U-Visa if they are helpful to law enforcement in the detection, investigation, or prosecution of qualifying criminal activities, such as domestic violence or abusive sexual contact. If you think you may be eligible and would like to discuss your immigration options, please feel free to contact me and set up a confidential consultation call.
No matter what has happened in your past, there is still hope for your future.
Additional Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1.800.799.7233, or test "start" to 88788